***Today’s guest post written by Stephanie MacDonald. Follow Stephanie on twitter, https://twitter.com/stephmacsaid ***
To shave or not to shave? That is tonight’s question.
As I sit here in bed eating my gluten-free, dairy-free, flavor-free cake (oh, it is SO good to eat food in bed, don’t you agree?) I delay getting out to shower and shave because, quite frankly, it’s been a long day. A good day. Very good. Just long.
My twenty-one month old started his day at 4:30AM. What’s that, you say, twenty-something single girl? You were just getting home at that time? The bar was just closing at that time? Oh, yes, well, good for you. Enjoy sleeping all day long and watching LIFETIME movies to cure that hangover, but my day started at the time you crawled into bed.
Now, I’m not exactly envious. My son is pretty dang cute and he won’t even slightly compare to the alleged “cute” boys you met at the bar while listening to the DJ spin a remix of a LORDE song you don’t quite understand while sipping on rum and coke and simultaneously not listening to what the “cute” boy is saying because you are too self-conscious about your outfit choice for that night (sleeveless crop top and skinny jeans with no sweater because, why would you wear a jacket or anything remotely warm when it’s twenty degrees outside, right?) not to mention you can only really feel the endless pain your toes are experiencing as they are smushed into your roommate’s heels she just got from NORDSTROM but she wears two sizes smaller than you so you can only imagine the blisters you will have tomorrow and, oh yeah, even though you get to sleep in all day tomorrow, and I’m waking up while you are hitting the pillow (your own pillow not HIS pillow) I still win. My son still wins.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the type of mom I want to be. Do I want to be the mom who always has shaved legs? Do I want to be the mom who wears the cutest, sexiest outfits to keep up with all the other “cool, MILF” moms out there? Do I want to be the strict mom? Do I want to be the sport’s mom? Do I want to be the “no rules” mom? Do I want to be the “Know It All” mom? Truth is, I can’t really be the latter since I truly don’t know it all.
I don’t know what my son will grow up to become. I don’t know if I am instilling all the right rules and guidance that I could be. I don’t know if he is going to grow up and resent me. I don’t know if I am even doing the right thing half of the time. And you know what? He’s my ONLY child (currently). And you know what else? I’m a STAY AT HOME MOM. And I STILL don’t know if I’m doing it all perfectly.
Do I still give my son bottles even though I lied and told the pediatrician he has been off of them since twelve months? I sure do. And you know what? He’s doing just fine. Do I let my son sleep in a crib with- dare I say it?- bumpers? I sure do. And you know what else? HE IS ALIVE. Are you the mom who is judging me lately at the Harris Teeter because I am wearing no make up and my hair is in a knot on top of my head because, confession, my kid has a runny nose so each follicle of my hair is covered in snot, which also means I am wearing un-trendy sweat pants or “work out clothes” even though I have not even been inside of a gym since I gave birth nearly two years ago and truth be told, I can’t even tell you honestly if I am wearing a bra.
Are you the mom judging me? Because you know what? I may be a stay at home mom and I may only have one child, but I still have days where I just thank God my son and I survived the day. I’m sure when I have more kids I will look back on my days of having one child and think, ‘Wow, that sure was easy’ but today is not that day. Today is the day my son woke up at 4:30AM and then decided to reach his hands into his poopy diaper and wipe his number two all over his hands, belly and legs. (Side note: I am high-fiving myself at how wonderfully I handled that moment. And also, I only got a TINY bit of poop on myself. Another high-five.)
Today is the day my son only took an hour-long nap even though he is sleep deprived and today is the day he touched his feces and today is the day I didn’t wear any cute clothes or try to makeover myself to resemble Heidi Klum. Today was a success though because my son is happy. My son is alive. My son is fed. My son laughed so much today. My son told me tonight, “I woo you, Mama” which means, “I love you, Mama”. So, that itself is a successful day. My son also proceeded to THANK ME for changing his diapers today.
I may not be doing everything right. I may not always look like a supermodel, but God knows I sure do still love fashion, make up and everything beautiful and feminine. I got through today, just my son and myself. We laughed a lot. We might have cried. But now I am eating a cake in bed (again, it’s not flavorful, but that is beside the point) and I am watching my son on the video monitor as he sleeps, bottom in the air, on his tummy, and, shaved legs or not, today was a day worth celebrating. Today I fell even more in love with my child.
Enjoy sleeping, girl coming home at 4:30 from the bar; but being with my son is worth all the sleep deprivation and bad cake in the whole wide world.